So I have a good one for you. One Friday night, a guy, let’s call him Sean, goes to pick up his date for a night out. Sean rings the doorbell and is invited to join his date’s parents in the living room while their daughter gets ready. He sits down and immediately feels a grunting feeling in his stomach: Sean had to fart and he had to fart. While his date’s parents have a chat, the family dog hops on the couch and sits next to Sean. He jumps at the chance and decides he can relieve a little pressure and blame the dog if anyone notices. Sean farts cautiously while looking at the dog. The girl’s mother hears the noise and shouts, « Rufus! Get off that couch.” Seeing that the dog was blamed for his action, Sean passes more gas in the company of the family. The mother yells at the dog a few more times, but the dog does not move. Sean thinks it’s safe to fart a few more until the mom finally yells, « Damn it, Rufus! » Get off that couch before Sean shits on you!
Ta-da! A good, old-fashioned fart joke. Admit it – you laughed. Farts are funny! Flatulence, if we want to get medical, is funny because it’s culturally taboo, it comes from your butt, and sometimes it sounds like a sad trumpet. People have been tickled by this kind of humor for centuries – there are some great fart jokes in ancient Greek plays and throughout Shakespeare’s works. Even Benjamin Franklin, my favorite founding father, wrote an entire essay entitled « Fart Proudly. » I don’t think I need to explain what it was about. Of course, people quickly figured out how to turn a fart into a joke with the famous fart cushion. Canadians would have you think the novelty was the founding of the Toronto-based JEM Rubber Company in the 1930s. But you have to leave the American hat and dig a little deeper into the history books to discover the true prototype of whoopee cushion.
The Roman Emperor Elagabalus not only had a great name, but also quite a sense of humour. At dinner parties, Elagabalus had guests sit on air cushions instead of cushions. As they sat on the air cushions, his unsuspecting victims soon found themselves the butt of Elagabalus’ prank at the dinner table with a loud, fart-like noise. With that said, if you ended up being the guest sitting on the prototypical whoopee pillow, you were one of the happiest guests at the party. Some of Elagabalus’ other party tricks included scaring drunken guests with lions and bears, giving men jobs based solely on the size of their – ahem – genitals, and serving glass for dinner. That’s right – glass. These days, the whoopee pillow is just a few pieces of plastic glued together, but we can thank a horrible 14-year-old Emperor for the basic idea.
With April Fools upon us, the police and I implore you to avoid most of Elagabalus’ favorite pranks. Just stick with the old fashioned whoopee pillow. Or better yet, take your act on the road with a handheld fart whistle. Remember that fart jokes are funny.
